Modern Lives

Or at least its on the road . . . Hot off the wires , Spain has just legalized same-sex marriage, adoption, and inheritence rights--nationwide. Holy shit. No wonder traditional WASP Capitalists here are so threatened by Socialists; they actually get things done and the modern Socialists are true equalists (I know that's not a real word, but it works). I think Spain's prime minister said it best: We were not the first, but I am sure we will not be the last. After us will come many other countries, driven, ladies and gentlemen, by two unstoppable forces: freedom and equality. No wonder Bush is nervous about gay equality. It's spreading faster than his so-called brand of freedom, which, let's face it, is merely the freedom to agree with him, his ilk, and their theology. Vaya España!! ¡Salud-Muchas-Gracias!

It's sweltering outside and the world sux. Details to follow . . . Bush gave a speech last night in a feeble attempt to rally public support for his failing presidential policies and desert-Vietnam. He postitulatered mostly on 9/11, evoking its memory at least 5 times throughout his speech, but he forgot to mention how the hunt for Osama bin Forgotten was going. I'm sure he's right on top of that. Or maybe he's a bottom? Certainly would explain Karl Rove's position. Oh, and would sombody please tell Furious George that Iraq had no connection to 9/11? But I digress. Bush also mentioned something about sending more troops if his commanders on the ground say they need them. Whew, getting drafty in here, or is it just me? The military applause ordered by Bush's advance team was an especially nice touch. Can't rely on the military to applaud him voluntarily, now can we. No, mustn't leave the preznit hanging on his punchlines, that would be rude. Anyway, that...

Today marks Tim's and my 7th anniversary. I got to thinking about it yesterday, marveling at that number 7. 7 years. It's hard to believe it's been that long and it's hard to belive it hasn't been longer. I feel like I've known and loved Tim for all my life. Yet, it didn't start until 1998, a rather uneventful summer when Clinton was still president, dot-coms were booming, the towers still stood, and gas was about a buck a gallon. Madonna had released Ray of Light that year, an album which I discovered around the time another ray of light entered my life--Tim. Feel like wretching yet? Wait, there's more. Much like Madonna had done with that album, I too was on a quest to kind of reinvent myself and Tim came along at the perfect time. After a turbulent time in my life, I had moved to a new city, started a new job, started to try and make new friends, and started to live again. It took about two months before I was ready to want to share my life with so...

In honor of the insanity that is the union between Tom Cruise (Psycho cradle-robber much?) and Katie Holmes (Hello? Anybody holme?), Timmy J. Studios has launched a new product line: Katydid Tom Tom ! There you'll find items for all events--indecent proposals in Paris, caped-crusader premieres in New York, and even London reporters who are all wet! Coming soon: Katydid Tom Tom Intersteller Line !! If you can't afford your own planet, wear one! So surf on over and check it out and while you're there, might as well buy something so it's not a wasted trip. Katydid Tom Tom The Webstore

Today's opening day for the long awaited and much anticipated fourth installment in George Romero's infamous zombie serial,with the release of Land of the Dead . The reviews are in and so far, the movie appears to live up to, if not exceed Romero's formidable reputation as a master B-horror-filmmaker. One of the enormous pleasures of genre filmmaking is watching great directors push against form and predictability, as Mr. Romero does brilliantly in "Land of the Dead." One thing is for sure: You won't go home hungry. [. . .] It has extremely intense zombie violence with the usual buckets of blood. -- New York Times The godfather of the modern zombie flick shows us how it's done right: With fleet pacing, well-timed shocks and a stealthy satiric edge. [. . .] the work of a master. -- New York Newsday Zombies of the world unite! [. . .] You have nothing to lose but your . . . toes, spines, and heads. -- Toledo Blade Mr. Romero [. . . is]...

. . . until my birthday , so if you haven't already, better get to shopping !! It's Friday, July 1st , with dinner at New Yorker and everyone's invited! (Unless you're on my Sh!t L!st, then it's best if you stay in another zip code) Please buy me things . . .

UPDATE: As I published this post, I discovered that the White House issued a statement concerning Rove and the Democratic outcry for an apology or resignation, and a repudiation from Bush. Officially, the White House stands by Rove's remarks. All right. It's on now. No more Mr. Nice Liberal. Impeach this ass-monkey. And if you voted for this Ass-hat idiot son of an asshole twice, I've got a can of rhetorical whoop-ass with your name written all over it. The man must go. Last night in New York, Rove said at a news conference that liberals "don't get 9-11" and don't see the attacks as "savage": Liberals saw the savagery of the 9/11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers," Rove said. "Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 and the attacks and prepared for war.... Conservatives saw what happened to us on 9/11 and said we will defeat our enemies. Liberals saw what happened to us and...

You've made my Shit List. Per their win-a-wedding contest rules: PLEASE NOTE: This opportunity is open only to currently engaged couples consisting of a male and a female , who are legal residents of the United States currently residing in the continental United States, each of whom is at least 21 years of age as of June 13, 2005 and each of whom complies with the additional requirements set forth in these Rules. Like Aravosis said over at AMERICAblog , kinda makes you wonder about Kojo's termination. So screw you Matt and Katie. I never liked Katie's hair and speaking of . . . Matt, YOU'RE BALD! Give it up already. And Al . . . you're still fat . Bitches and Assholes.

Since I seemed to have ruffled someone's feathers enough by calling the Senator from Texas a bitch for not cosponsering an anti-lynching bill (which she later did retroactively, thus I removed the qualifier "supreme" from my insult), I thought I would make a list of all the assholes who've pissed me off, both politically and personally, some if not most of whom I will "disparage" at will. Just exercising my right to freedom of speech by voicing my opinion. I will not slander or libel anyone by making false accusations, but I will call people naughty names and rant and rave about things they've done or said, or things they should have done or said yet stayed mute. I am not politically correct, I do not kowtow to "Dear Leader" and his party of right-wing, affluent hooligans just because he happen to be president and let planes crash into buildings on his watch. I will criticize and insult him, anyone in his party, and anyone outside his party who...

Hutchison has finally done the honorable thing and signed on as a cosponser to the anti-lynching bill. Let's see what Cornyn does. I take back what I said about Senator Hutchison, she is not a supreme bitch . . . . . . just a regular one.

To the Peter-copter! We must beat the giant chicken and evade the evil monkey that lives in my closet and get the new UNRATED Family Guy Movie, coming out in September, direct to DVD. The 83 minute movie is entitled "Family Guy Presents Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story" and promises to be freakin' SWEET! Now, save your pennies before the people stealing Mayor West's water get them, cuz the DVD ain't free ($29.99) and you can't scare the retailer out of it by dressing like Meg (Griffin, not Davidson) or getting drunk on martini's and humping his leg. Giggidy-giggidy!!!

You know you're in trouble when FP Clinton gets on to you .

My first open thread (where people are free to leave comments about whatever they like) in honor of Tim being home--welcome back, love! Chat away.

Since Tim is out of town this week, I thought I would make my own contribution to the news update. I only hope I can come within the same galaxy of evil funny that Tim created. So, without further ado, let's start with the afternoon of cliches . . . Every now and then you come across living examples of why cliches and stereotypes exist, well yesterday I experienced two and heard about one. While shopping at my local Tom Thumb, I saw a woman running across the store holding two melons (I think they were cantaloupes) in front of her chest. (See, George, this is what I would look like if I were Dolly Parton. Can I have that boob job now?") Then, at the gas station, there was a man ahead of me in line that was, I kid you not, at least seven feet tall. He paid for his gas and cell phone minutes and walked back out to his car. When I went back to my car, I realized he drove an eighties model Geo Metro two door hatchback--a.k.a., the smallest car ever sold in America. It brought to m...

Tim's flight went smoothly and he is now in Arkansas. My day feels hollow without being able to IM him. Still no word on exactly when he'll be back--either Friday night or Saturday morning/afternoon. Oh, and add that supreme bitch, Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX) to the list of modern-era senators refusing to cosponser the anti-lynching measure. I have also added her to my litany of reasons for truly despising this fucktard state in which I live. MEMO TO THE GOP: Your true (lack of) colors are showing. Smarmy sanctimonious bastards.

Two things: Tim's Leaving For Arkansas for 3 or 4 days I HATE TEXAS--yes, it's official now Item the first, Tim is leaving for AR, again. I understand why he's going, and I'm not upset about that. I just hate having him gone. I can't sleep, I pace the apartment, I develop a bad case of OCD, even the cats go a little crazy. We all go a little crazy. I will miss him madly. As for Texas, wouldn't you know, with all the vitriol that has shamed this state for so many years now, Senator Cornyn has shamed us further by refusing to sign on to the anti-lynching bill currently in the U. S. Senate. Maybe he's afraid some activist judge would use it as an excuse to legislate from the bench and outlaw lynching the fags, too. I hate Texas. I hate being without Tim. It is going to be a challenging few days ahead.

In case you haven't heard, Michael Jackson has been on trial for--shock of shocks--inappropriate behavior toward young boys. And if you haven't heard, you might want to come out from under that rock every now and then, you know, just to check in with the world, but at least your rock has internet access. Anyway, I digress . . . Your favorite insult comic dog and mine, Triumph, hit the streets to harass a no more deserving group of people than the Michael Jackson fans stationed outside the courthouse in California, where the trial has been ongoing. It is quite amusing . . . FOR ME TO POOP ON! Oh-yes, OH-YES! Go over and check it out, bitches. I keed, I keed!

How's this for the ultimate in commitment symbolism: artistic designers and bioengineers in England are developing a technique for growing bones from harvested osteoblasts (bone cells that grow new bone, commonly found in the jaw bone) and growing them in any form they want, including jewelry--starting with commitment bands. They will make the commitment or wedding rings for 180 volunteer couples selected for the research project, who will have their wisdom teeth removed and the osteoblasts that are then accessible harvested and sprinkled over a porous, ceramic-like substance to which the cells will attach themselves and eventually grow to replace. The bone discs are then carved into rings and attached to an inner band of precious metal. Locker-room jokesters everywhere are saddened as the colloquialism "to bone him/her" will now have another, more engaging meaning. However, body piercers are excited about having yet one more way in which to express their desire to stick ...

Still think the comparison between the progression of anti-Judaism in Nazi Germany and the spread of legislative and theocratic gay-bashing in "modern" America is suspect? Then read this and decide for yourself. Read it all the way to the bottom--the last comparison is truly chilling.

That's right, on June 24th, George A. Romero releases the fourth installment of his Living Dead series. Now, I've been a zombie movie fan since I was a kid, and let me tell you, I am super psyched about this. Romero for years has teased fans with wanting to produce a follow-up to his previous threezombie films, Night of the Living Dead , Dawn of the Dead , and Day of the Dead . I am looking forward to this more than I did the long anticipated return of the Star Wars genre with its Epsodes 1, 2, & 3. I think zombie movies speak more to the dark side of the post-modern social climate and human nature itself--especially in Romero's films--than do Star Wars and its ilk. I find these movies infinitely more fascinating in that respect. The only exception being Roddenberry's work, as he took a more balanced look at humanity's optimistic potential and abysmal failures. Star Wars tries too hard to be mythical in how it presents its story. The Star Trek genre is more rela...

. . . when stowing away aboard an airplane, do not stowaway in the landing gear. Or so a man found out the hard way when he did just that on a South African Airways flight from Dakar to New York. No one had any idea the man was (kind of) onboard until ground crews found the parts of him that hadn't fallen from the wheel well into a New York woman's backyard. Long Island resident Pam Hearne was startled when she heard a loud bang come from outside and totally grossed out when she realized it was the sound of a shoed leg still attached to a partial torso hitting her garage roof and bouncing into her yard. Apparently, the man's body was drawn and quartered when the landing gear deployed as the flight made its final approach toward a New York airport. Ouch. Luckily, the plane only suffered minor damage and slight staining to its wheel. No word yet on who the genius was that put himself through the equivalent of a human meat grinder.

I was over reading Lesley's blog about the social tragedy yesterday at the Fort Worthless X-tian academy and something she said stuck out: [. . .] they just hate me for loving Bekka. They don't know us, but they smile so big and proud because we (still) can't get married. It's all very heartwarming isn't it?? But don't you dare get all thoughtful and compare it to the plight of the black man back in the day...Pastor Dwight McKissick of Cornerstone Baptist Church in Arlington will put a real quick stop to that...he says not to 'compare your sin with our skin'. HOW SILLY OF ME TO COMPARE!! He was already black that day I DECIDED to fall in love with girls so everyone would hate me! Damn me to hell! I have a theory about the black ministers who are touting sentiments similar to the phrase "[don't] compare your sin with our skin". It's the usual fear that stems from ignorance mixed with jealousy. I know what you're thinking. You...

Not only did Gov. Perry flagrantry thumb his nose at the government standard of the seperation of church and state by signing two extremely theocratic and improper pieces of legislature into law at a CHRISTIAN school yesterday, he also told people who don't agree with the all-but-instituted constitutional amendment banning gay marriage (and any contract or union remotely resembling the same rights as marriage) to get out of the state. "Texans have made a decision about marriage and if there is some other state that has a more lenient view than Texas then maybe that's a better place for them to live." - Gov. Rick Perry Wow. So much for southern hospitality. I mean, I knew he was an anti-gay bigot throw-back to the dark ages of leeches and slavery, but the man's audacity at flaunting his archaic views knows no depths. You know what? The scary thing is, Texas is a microcosm of the rest of the nation in most cases. It has always been a political barometer, and now ...

Double-edged sword time. Scientists have made a discovery that is both exciting and frightening for us queer lads and lasses. They have found a single gene in fruit flies that completely determines their sexual behavior, more specifically, their sexual orientation. By manipulating this gene, they can make fruit flies, well, more fruity, with the boys courting boys and the girls courting girls. They are quite excited about what it could mean in terms of all "hard-wired" behaviors in humans including instinctive reactions (fight or flight, laughing, crying, etc.). It is also another sign pointing the way to what anyone with an ounce of rationality and deductive reasoning could have told you: the Q factor is indeed genetic. However, the dark side of this discovery is that what can be turned on can also, at least theoretically, be turned off. Which opens up a whole new can of worms and class of so-called "undesirable" babies to join the ranks of the aborted and murdere...

I'm sorry, but I have to scoop Tim on this one. Butch and Poco, beloved super clown villains of TCC lore have become victims themselves . . . to identity theft!! . . . well, sort of. Last night, as TIm and I anxiously awaited the arrival of happy funtime spring storms, we happened to catch a strange little cartoon on PBS. The cartoon was about two super-girls in Starland. The names of the girls are Piki & POKO . True, it is spelled differently, but the similarities don't end there. Poko wears a star bracelet that speaks to them and calls itself BUTCH! It commands them to use their inner power to defeat the evil candy cane villains in a land of techno-pop music and a diva named Fertilidad. The humor is wacky and irreverent and if you watch closely enough, you will soon see that Piki & Poko are the inverted, sugar-coated antitheses of Butch and Poco. Something must be done. Watch the episodes . Watch and learn. See the similarites for yourself.